My Disappearing Assets

Hello my wonderful readers! So, I am now officially three weeks post-op, and so far, so good. Nothing has changed this week as far as dietary or physical activity instructions from the doctor, but next week will be fun. I am finally allowed to start strength training again. I'm hoping this will help my weight loss along, although I am not disappointed with that by any means. I am currently 262 Ibs. That's a 14 Ib weight loss since surgery, and a grand total of 48 Ibs gone since I have started this journey. To celebrate, I thought it was time for a picture! I am starting to see some changes, and I am proud of my progress. I am actually starting to be able to see my collar bone again!  Although, I wish my progress was less in my boobs and butt, and more in my belly :)

This week also marks the first time I was able to put away 4 oz. I was only able to do it once, and I probably should have stopped a little sooner, but it happened. I am still fighting the mentality of not wanting to "waste" food. I am becoming more aware that this mentality it is there, though. That helps me fight it, but it is definitely a hard pattern to break. 

Some more positives for this week! My engagement ring is starting to get loose, which I guess is both a plus and a minus, but I found a great video that shows someone using hot glue to temporarily make the size smaller. What a great idea! I definitely do not want to resize my ring until I am at a stable weight, especially considering it'll weaken the metal if it gets resized too much. My belly is also clean of all bandage residue and steristrips. My mom suggested using coconut oil to get all the residue off, and by golly, sometimes it pays to listen to your parents. It took it right off without having to put any chemicals near the incisions, which are healing up quite nicely. I also got a present from my mom which you can see below :) It even has my name and surgery date on the back!

So, with all these great things happening, there are a few not necessarily bad things, but not as great things happening, too. First off, I went through a little stall. I was stuck at 266 for a few days, but that also could have been because of stress and it getting to be "that time of the month." I wasn't very worried about it. I just kept on with my healthy eating and making sure I'm getting in my water. Another odd thing that my body is doing is making some demonic noises. After I eat, my stomach is loud! It's embarrassing when I'm sitting in class after having lunch or dinner, but we are all human I guess. Nobody says anything, and it's not like I'm sitting there farting. I would never put my classmates through the horrible stench that is my protein farts! Although, I have had to leave the room to do that a few times. Not this week, but the week I came back after surgery, the gas pain would get pretty intense! 

And of course, Easter was this week. I went to my grandpa's house like we do every year, and I got some candy...which I promptly gave to my fiance. There were also a lot of snacks laid out that I really wanted to indulge in, but I was a good girl and behaved myself. I had my lunch of ham and a deviled egg. I will admit that I was sooooo tempted to have some bread. My grandpa had made homemade bread the night before, and it just looked amazing! But not as amazing as the progress I am making in my journey :) I wish people would understand that more. I get comments from those who know about my surgery that they feel bad that I can't indulge anymore in candy or sweets. The kicker is that I could if I really wanted to, but I choose not to. I have changed my life and health for the better. I don't feel sorry for myself at all. I feel great! I have a new chance at life in a way. How many people are lucky enough to get that? This is one of the biggest reasons why I still debate whether I wan to "come out of the bariatric closet." I don't want comments like this. I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I'd rather just let them think I am making healthy choices on my own (which I am anyways) and let them be amazed as a disappear before their very eyes. 

Sleeve Newbie

Hi everyone! Long time, no see, right? These past two weeks have been a bit hectic, but I'm back. I have a lot to catch you up on, so let's get right to it.

First off, I am officially two weeks out from my surgery, which means I am now eating REAL (not pureed, mashed, liquified, etc ) FOOD! I could not be happier. I was getting so sick of protein shakes and cottage cheese. Of course, it's not like I was having a lot of it. It blows my mind how much food it takes to fill me up. When I first got home from the hospital, I wasn't even able to eat more than 2 oz of cottage cheese. A few bites, and I was done. Before surgery, I probably would have had no problem downing 1/2 a container of cottage cheese. Crazy....

The other big thing that happened is that I have been back at school for a week now. Yup, I went back a week after surgery. I was very worried the Sunday beforehand. I wasn't sure I could do it. I was still having a LOT of gas pain. This was like stop what you're doing and brace yourself pain. It sucked. I did learn something, though. As soon as you can sleep lying down, you should do it! I think a big reason why I was having so much pain was I slept in a recliner the first few nights home. My grandma suggested I try sleeping lying down, and lo and behold, it helped a ton! I wasn't feeling perfect and peachy, but I was doing better than I had been. Of course, my anxiety was kicked into high gear, too, since I was freaking out about going back to school, so that didn't help either.

Thankfully, once Monday came around, I was doing well enough to get to classes, and with my mom dog sitting my emotional support dog, I didn't have to worry about her trying to dragging me across campus with my sore belly. I did have to rearrange my dorm a little bit (with my fiance's help, of course!) so that my bed was low enough to just get right into. I had it lofted so I could fit Bella's cage underneath it for the sake of saving space. There is no way I would have been able to get into bed if I had kept it the way it was.

The school has been doing pretty good with taking care of me. I explained to my professors that I had surgery over spring break, and they were all very good about respecting my privacy. None of them tried to get more details than that. They also let me know that if I needed anything or wasn't feeling good, just let them know. I didn't need to take any of them up on that offer, but it was good to know that they care. I had made arrangements with dining services at school so that I could have a special plate made for me in the cafeteria as well. Before surgery, they were preparing me my one allowed meal per day. The last week while I was back at school, the chef was preparing me pureed chicken in chicken broth, or pureed tuna salad. I was also able to get a car ride back to my dorm after my night classes were over from campus safety. I was comfortable walking to classes during the day, but I did not want to walk back at night by myself. The campus is near a city, so there's a lot that could happen. I'm usually not too worried since the campus is pretty good about safety, but I wouldn't be able to fight back or run if something happened. Plus, after being in class for four hours, I was pretty stiff.

I also had my one week followup with my surgeon. He said everything is healing well, so that is great. I also had to attend a one hour class about what steps I will be taking forward in the next couple months. In two more weeks, I get vegetables!!! It sounds weird, but I am actually excited to add them back into my diet. I think it is more for the sake of having some variety. For now, though, I'm still working on getting in my 60 grams of protein and all 64 oz of fluids daily. It is a struggle some days, but I usually manage to get it.

It's interesting to see how my appetite fluctuates. Most mornings, I can only eat maybe 2 oz of protein before I'm full. By lunch or dinner, I am getting in 3 or 3 and a half oz. It drives me crazy. It also drives me crazy having to wait to drink anything after I eat. I know I have to since it'll be uncomfortable if I don't, but it is always tempting. I set an alarm on my phone so I know the instant I can drink again. It's also hard for me to slow down when I'm drinking fluids. There are times, especially in the morning, when I want to just chug down a whole water bottle. There are times when I do take a bigger than I should gulp and pay for it. It does not feel good! I don't throw up, but it's uncomfortable. I really have to focus on sipping slowly. Eating is the same way. I have learned that I start burping when I'm full, though, so that helps gauge when I should stop. At least I have a handle on that. And thankfully I haven't had any nausea and I haven't thrown up at all. Everything I've eaten seems to sit well in my tummy.

Anyways, that's basically what's going on right now. I'm still getting left side pain, and there are days when I just feel achy or tired, but stress from school doesn't help :) I have been off of the pain meds since about Wednesday. I still take them if I need them. If I twist wrong or sleep the wrong way, I sometimes need to take it in the morning. Of course, I didn't expect to be fully healed yet. I'm still a newbie at this whole sleeve thing, and my body is still playing catch up. Thankfully, I get a lot of love and support from the people around me.

CW 267  SW 273.4   HW 310

Sleep...What's that?

So, as I said in my last post, I did make it through my surgery and am officially sleeved! Today is my first day home, so I figured I could write a better post about my experience now that I am not all drowsy from morphine and other drugs.

So, I guess I'll start from Monday morning. I got to the hospital dressed in the most baggy clothes I could find, and they took me back pretty quick. The nurse I had was very friendly. She came in and took my vitals and got a urine test so they could do a pregnancy test. Then she left me to change. I changed into my gown and laid down in bed, and that was the moment when the reality of my surgery hit me. I finally felt like this is really happening. Needless to say, I freaked out a little, but took a few deep breaths and was able to calm down.

The nurse came back in after I was done changing and did the pregnancy test. Of course, the first test was faulty...and the second. This led to another freak out by me. I am not ready to have a kid and I especially did not want to have this surgery postponed after all my hard work. Thankfully, the third test worked, and I am not pregnant.

Next, another lady came in to put in my IV and start fluids. I knew my veins suck for getting blood drawn, but apparently they're even worse for trying to start an IV line. They tried in my left hand, then my left forearm before finally giving in and using the same vein I always get blood drawn from since that's basically the only good vein I have. It was in the vein in the crook of my arm, so not the best placement for an IV, but it worked and that's what mattered.

That's when the surgeon and anesthesiologist came in to get me ready to get wheeled in to the OR. They double checked all my details, warned me about possible side effects, and then off we went. I know my face dropped as soon as they said it was time to go. They put something in my IV while we were in the hall. I thought it would knock me out almost instantly, but it just made me feel very heavy. I was still awake when we reached the OR. It was a bit freaky. They then inflated the mat underneath me and moved me onto the operating table, and then they put a mask on my face and told me to breathe deeply. I remember thinking when I would fall asleep, and then next thing i knew I was in recovery.

I wasn't really in any pain at this point, probably because I was still doped up on some crazy drugs. I even asked the guy who was keeping an eye on my recovery if I had my surgery yet. He laughed, and told me it was all over. I was still really tired, though. I was in and out of it. At some point when I was asleep again, I was wheeled up to my room, and woke up to a nurse ready to take my vitals. I was really surprised they didn't have me on oxygen since I know my mom was on oxygen for a while after her surgery. I did still have a catheter like her, though. It sucked, but I understand them wanting to measure fluid output. One of the nurses asked me if I had been given a water pill since I produced so much urine. I just told him I keep myself well hydrated on my ice chips.

That night absolutely sucked, though. It had nothing to do with pain. It was because they had me attached to an oxygen saturation monitor. This monitor wasn't hooked up to my IV pole, so it was nearly impossible to go for a walk. It also sucked because apparently this machine does not like patients sleeping. The nurse explained to me that the machine is quiet at levels between 90 to 100 percent. Well, just as I would start dozing off, my levels would drop to 88 to 89 percent since my breathing rate would slow. Therefore, the machine would beep like crazy and of course wake me up. I wanted to throw that sucker against the wall, especially the next morning. I was so sore from laying down all night thanks to that machine.

The biggest excitement the next day was getting to drink water. Ice chips can only do so much. It was also nice getting some broth and jello, but I didn't eat too much of it. I was having some serious gas pain that made it hard to eat. I also had my morphine taken away and had to take pain pills. I was still on IV fluids, though, to make sure I stayed hydrated. I spent most of the day watching cartoons and walking or sitting in my chair. Oh, and I got the catheter out! That was nice, although it was kinda hard to pee at first since I think my system was still in some shock. As the day went on, I felt better and better. Another plus, I didn't have to be attached to the anti-sleep machine that night, so I was able to get some  sleep between the nurses coming in to take vitals. Oh, and another thing...I farted! It sounds goofy, but the relief of all that gas pressure made me feel better than the pain meds did.

That brings us to this morning. I was completely detached from all IVs bright and early in the morning so I could walk easier. I also got to give myself a shot of blood thinner to the stomach with the nurse watching me. Holy cow does the blood thinner burn, but I'd rather have that than a blood clot. My fiance was happy I managed to do it myself because he could never do it for me.

My surgeon came by to check and see how I was doing, too. He wanted to make sure everything was good before I headed for home. He was glad to hear the pain wasn't too bad and I was up and walking since day 1. He was actually surprised considering the hernia repair that he had to do.

They also removed my bandages and staples from my incisions. I got a picture of 3/6 of them. I didn't want to flash the camera since the others are a little higher up.  I actually think it hurt less getting the staples out compared to getting the bandages pulled off, and both of those hurt less than having the IV pulled out of my arm. I'm pretty sure they super glue that sucker in place. But it meant I could go home after attending a postop nutrition class, so I was happy. 

I survived!!!

So, I made it through surgery!!! I'm not in too much pain, either, which is a pleasant surprise considering I had a hernia. Yup, that's right. This girl had the largest hernia my surgeon has ever seen in someone my age. 

The only time I really needed the morphine button was right after getting out of surgery, and after I got in a fight with my gown and moved too much. I didn't have the common sense to hike it up before I sat back down in bed and it tried choking me. Thankfully my fiancé was here to save me! 

Today's THE Day

Well, today is surgery day. I need to be at the hospital at 6 AM and then my surgery is at 7:30. Of course, now is the time that my anxiety is going absolutely haywire. I probably spent a good twenty minutes in tears last night, but at no point did I think I absolutely do not want this anymore. Yes, doubts passed through my mind. Yes, I am flipping out. But...this is my chance at a new beginning, and I'm not going to let a moment of vulnerability ruin that.

Oh, but to backtrack a little, I just wanted to say that fiber in sugar free gummy form is dangerous to the starving preop bariatric patient. I probably could have eaten every last one I had in the container...I really wanted to, but it would not have been worth the dire consequences that would have followed.

So, I have packed up everything I think I'll need for surgery. I have crocs, the comfiest clothes I could find, some dry mouth spray (I follow a group on facebook and a few people had recommended this), chargers, and my other meds. I also have a brand new pillow and my fiance will bring my laptop so we can watch netflix when there's nothing on TV.

So with all that said, I am going to get ready to leave! I'm sure I'll be posting later or within a day or two to let you all know how it went. Wish me luck!

HW 310  SW 273.4

Out with the Old

This week has been a bit chaotic. For starters, it is that magical week before spring break called midterm. I have two major projects conquered, and two more that need to be either revised or completed by tomorrow . . . which means a nearly sleepless night without sugary goodness or caffeine to fuel me. I'll let you know how that worked out in my next post.

It's also an unfortunate time to be on pre-op. My professors have been oh so generous to bring in goodies, and I have to death grip my seat and just sit there all sad. One of my professors brought in three big bags of M&Ms. He even had the peanut butter kind! They are my favorite . . . well, they were. Plus, my class tomorrow is celebrating the last day before spring break with pizza and pop and who knows what else. I might ask him to leave early. I'll have to find something I'm allowed to eat to be my new favorite. Come to think of it, all my favorite foods are definite no no's after surgery. I'm talking my apple pie, mashed potatoes, phish food ice cream. But enough of that. That's the old me.

I think Hulu knows that I am on a pre-op diet, too. Every other commercial there's an advertisement for Oprah and her love affair with bread or kit kats or taco bell. It doesn't bother me so much anymore, but the first few times had my mouth watering like I hadn't eaten anything good in days.

Oh wait, I haven't. This pre-op diet is still rough. I'm not pooping green anymore at least, but I am so sick of protein shakes. I can barely get them down anymore, and actually threw one up yesterday. I'm not sure what is going on with that one. I can say that at least I have my broth and my one meal a day.  My mom told me the other day to, "Just keep swimming," as Dory would say. My response: I am swimming . . . in a sea of unsatisfying protein shakes and chicken broth. On a positive note, I'm happy to report my liquid intake has been above the 64 oz required by my doctor office. I have to pee every couple minutes (ok maybe that's a little dramatic), but it's worth it.


I'm getting to that point now where I am excited about the surgery, but I'm also flipping out a little. I mean, It's surgery. I've never gone through any type of surgery or been given any kind of anesthesia. It's very hard for me to wrap my mind around the idea that I will be put to sleep, and then wake up with pains and an itty bitty stomach. I won't have any idea what went on. We'll just see how it goes, I guess. One thing I am definitely not excited for is the 6 AM arrival time on Monday. I can't remember the last time I was awake at 6. That being said, I guess the whole point is for me to not be awake later anyways.

I just hope it is all worth it. All the money, time, pre-op misery, stress, everything. This is a battle that has plagued me, and it's one I want to win. Even if I end up with battle wounds and stretch marks.

It's green!

Well, I totally underestimated this preop diet . . . I was perfectly fine two days ago, a little iffy yesterday, and today I am really feeling the side effects of ketosis. I am nauseous to the point I have no interest in food. That being said, I get it down since I know my body needs it. It still sucks, though. The worst part is that I know that just a little cheating could make it all go away, and the temptation has been sitting in the back of my head all day, but will I give in? NO NO NO!!!! I want this.

The weirdest side effect is that this diet has caused my stool to turn green . . . yep, green. I knew grape soda and lots of artificial color would do that, but I definitely did not expect it from protein shakes and a meal of veggies and protein. Turns out my mom had the same thing happen to her. So weird.

Anyways, just thought that little update was necessary. I'm sure I'll be writing again before my big day!