Willpower...I need some

Hi everyone! So, I have to finally admit it . . . I have the willpower of . . . well, I have none. The past few days I have been staying with my fiance and his family. I go there during the four days I don't have school unless I go home. It's great getting to see him, but it's not so great for trying to change my eating habits. The majority of their meals are heavy on carbs. On top of that, there is always pop in the house somewhere.

It's hard on me, and I honestly slipped up a few times. I feel really guilty about it, but at the same time, this is why I'm trying to change now. I still have a little over a month to begin adjusting to this new way of eating and thinking. All that being said, I am doing really good about staying away from the pop. I bought myself a case of water and a few boxes of sugar free drink mixes so I could still have something. This will be one month since I've stopped drinking caffeine, and I am pretty happy with that.

And as for the carbs, I know I can do it in time. I make the right choices at school, but when I don't have as many choices like I do at the college cafeteria, something in my mind switches. I think it's the fact that here the food is made for me specifically. I almost feel an expectation to eat it. Not so much at school. Next week I am going to my fiance's home with a plan. I will make sure I have plenty of good choices available for when the carbs come out. The only real food I had this week was a supply of hard-boiled eggs I made to try and behave myself. That didn't work as well as intended.

The main thing that I still have to get through my head is that there will always be temptation. No one is going to change their ways because I changed mine. My fiance and his family are very supportive of me getting this surgery, but I do not expect them to change. This is my journey. I just need to learn to say no. No to carbs. No to sugar. No to pop. Just all around NO.

On a totally unrelated, happy note: I think I have finally reached the point where I am no longer trying to talk myself out of getting the surgery :) During the previous five months of waiting for the insurance to clear, I have gone back and forth too many times to count. I'd tell myself that I could do it on just diet and exercise. I'm already down 20 pounds. Who's to say I won't keep going down? Is the surgery worth it? Aren't you scared?

Then the other side would chime in with the cold, hard fact that I have tried diet and exercise the majority of my life. I had gotten to the point that I was starving myself just to try and lose weight. I have been relatively active my whole life with soccer, and I still weighed over 200 pounds. Yes, I'm scared, but being scared won't solve this issue. This surgery might just be an answered prayer. I need to do this for myself . . .

And it's at this point where the negative voice in my head shuts up.