Willpower...I need some

Hi everyone! So, I have to finally admit it . . . I have the willpower of . . . well, I have none. The past few days I have been staying with my fiance and his family. I go there during the four days I don't have school unless I go home. It's great getting to see him, but it's not so great for trying to change my eating habits. The majority of their meals are heavy on carbs. On top of that, there is always pop in the house somewhere.

It's hard on me, and I honestly slipped up a few times. I feel really guilty about it, but at the same time, this is why I'm trying to change now. I still have a little over a month to begin adjusting to this new way of eating and thinking. All that being said, I am doing really good about staying away from the pop. I bought myself a case of water and a few boxes of sugar free drink mixes so I could still have something. This will be one month since I've stopped drinking caffeine, and I am pretty happy with that.

And as for the carbs, I know I can do it in time. I make the right choices at school, but when I don't have as many choices like I do at the college cafeteria, something in my mind switches. I think it's the fact that here the food is made for me specifically. I almost feel an expectation to eat it. Not so much at school. Next week I am going to my fiance's home with a plan. I will make sure I have plenty of good choices available for when the carbs come out. The only real food I had this week was a supply of hard-boiled eggs I made to try and behave myself. That didn't work as well as intended.

The main thing that I still have to get through my head is that there will always be temptation. No one is going to change their ways because I changed mine. My fiance and his family are very supportive of me getting this surgery, but I do not expect them to change. This is my journey. I just need to learn to say no. No to carbs. No to sugar. No to pop. Just all around NO.

On a totally unrelated, happy note: I think I have finally reached the point where I am no longer trying to talk myself out of getting the surgery :) During the previous five months of waiting for the insurance to clear, I have gone back and forth too many times to count. I'd tell myself that I could do it on just diet and exercise. I'm already down 20 pounds. Who's to say I won't keep going down? Is the surgery worth it? Aren't you scared?

Then the other side would chime in with the cold, hard fact that I have tried diet and exercise the majority of my life. I had gotten to the point that I was starving myself just to try and lose weight. I have been relatively active my whole life with soccer, and I still weighed over 200 pounds. Yes, I'm scared, but being scared won't solve this issue. This surgery might just be an answered prayer. I need to do this for myself . . .

And it's at this point where the negative voice in my head shuts up.

The Journey So Far

Before I dive into anything specific, I guess you should know a little about me. My name is Cristal. I am currently a senior in college and going through what will hopefully be my last semester. For basically my whole life, I have played soccer. The biggest reason I quit was I ended up with a coach who could not accept the fact that bigger girls can play sports, too. I could go into that all day, but for the sake of your sanity and mine, I won't.

That being said, it was not the only reason I quit. The other reason was that, even though I thought I was fat when I first entered college at 210 pounds, I got even bigger. I can't believe I thought that was a horrible weight to be at! I think it was a mix of depression and medication that caused me to balloon up up and far away. I put on 50 pounds between my freshman and sophomore year of college. After that sophomore year, I put on another 40 pounds which got me up to a grand total of 300 pounds. At that point, running and playing soccer was very hard on my body. I could feel the extra weight I had put on. Of course, with that extra weight, I became even more depressed, and that's when I chose to quit the team. I felt like I was the weak link that just brought the whole team down. I couldn't finish workouts or the running. I was miserable.

My junior year was hard without soccer. Being on the team was pretty much the extent of my social life. On the plus side, I was finally put on some medication for depression which helped a lot for a little while. This year had a lot of ups and downs as I got my meds straightened out. Another great thing that happened this year was that I got a bloodhound puppy named Bella. She is my emotional support animal, and gets to stay with me on campus in the dorms. She helped keep me going that year, especially when it came to going outside for her walks and meeting new people. Who can resist this face?

Which brings us to senior year! The year I get sleeved! My mom is the one who inspired me to consider the surgery. She just recently got sleeved in December, and is doing great. If it weren't for her, I probably would have never thought about getting weight loss surgery. She even went with me the day I attended the informational seminar back in September of 2015. After doing a ton of research (OK maybe half a ton) I made my choice and began the process. For insurance to cover, I had to do a physician monitored diet, which I completed in December. Just a few days ago, I finally got the call that the insurance approved it, and I set up all my appointments. I have the preop class on February 23rd, and I will be having my surgery on March 7th!!!!!I am super excited, and super nervous. I have never had surgery before in my entire life. On top of that, I'll have one week to recover, and then right away I'll be back at school (Did I mention I'm getting sleeved over my spring break? And I'm taking 18 credits? ). I am already down 20 pounds since I have started this journey, and I can't wait to see what the rest of this year brings! 

 

Current Weight: 286.1
Highest Weight: 307.4